Why was I so callous?

I was walking through campus and you weren’t on my mind

Until someone said that their father was going to buy her a car next year

It wasn’t until that time, five years later, did I realize I missed having a relationship with you.

When I visited you the week before you died, I had no feelings.

Why was I so callous?

We left Ohio and drove back to Philadelphia, I felt no sadness.

Why was I so callous?

As soon as we arrived, we received message that you died…

We had to go back, I was mad, not sad.

Why was I so callous?

I was mad because your death messed up my perfect attendance

I was mad that I had to miss a week of school

I did not cry at your funeral when everyone else did

Why was I so callous?

My mother never said a negative word about you and she ensured that we knew who you were

But, we had no relationship

Your first words to me as I walked into the house from the cold Columbus weather were, “Take off your coat. I’ve never seen you without your coat.”

My response, “This is your first time seeing me and we just walked in the house.”

Why was I so callous?

It wasn’t until that day walking through campus did I realize that I missed you because I would never have that father-daughter relationship.

Is that why I was so callous?